'Shelf Life' questions ('Shelf Life' questions taken from The Spectator’s regular feature)
1. What are you reading at the moment?
The Pursuit of Love by Nancy Mitford
(as part of my Readarama)
2. As a child, what did you read under the covers?
Pretty much anything. I ALWAYS read in
bed… with one hand on the light switch incase I heard footsteps on the
stairs. My biggest fear was not having enough books by my bed. I was a big Dick
King-Smith and Michael Morpurgo fan. But to this day Astrid Lindgren is my
absolute favourite children’s author.
(n.b. When Mummy dear was blowing-drying
my hair, I unfailingly read all of the Asterix
& Obelix comics. These 2 Gauls definitely taught me everything I know
about the world. E.g. The Swiss are mad about cheese fondue, Britain grinds to
a halt at 5 o’clock sharp for tea…)
3. Has a book ever made you cry, and if so which
one?
Goodnight Mr Tom. I sobbed.
4. You are about to be put into solitary
confinement for a year and allowed to take three books. What would you choose?
(I’m going to apply the Desert Island
Discs rule here: I’ll get given the King James Bible and the Complete Works of
Shakespeare anyway, so they don’t have to go on the list.)
*any of the Harry Potter’s (exact one to
be decided on a whim at the time)
*Astrid Lindgren’s The Six Bullerby Children
*I’d be brave and pick something that I
haven’t read... something from my reading list.
5. Which literary character would you most like to
sleep with?
Jay Gatsby after one of his parties. Simple.
6. If you could write a self-help book, what would
you call it?
It could be worse – this is pretty much my
life motto. When I was monumentally home-sick aged 12, I told myself to man
up... Empress Elizabeth of Austria (aka Empress Sissi) was engaged and married
off at 15. Into a family and life which she loathed. Now SHE had a real reason
to hate life.
7. Michael Gove has asked you to rewrite the GCSE
English Literature syllabus. Which book, which play, and which poem would you
make compulsory reading?
Um, what is on the syllabus? Realistically, you’re going to 100% hate
whatever you have to read and study, therefore I don’t think I’d change
anything. In hindsight though (and obviously thanks to my subsequent acquisition
of intelligence. paha) I actually think The
Lord of the Flies (on my syllabus) is a great read! The island really does
beautifully depict the microcosm of society... jokes aside pals, it is a good
book!
8. Which party from literature would you most like
to have attended?
Obviously a party at Gatsby’s! (see Q5...) I also wouldn’t turn down an invitation to one of Sebastian Flyte’s
Oxford parties.
9. What would you title your memoirs?
A Neiss life. I’m sorry, but a
name like mine simply must be abused for all its worth.
10. Which literary character do you dream of
playing?
Ginny Weasley. I want to go to Hogwarts, it’s
as easy as that. Obviously Hermione is a bit more of a star, but Ginny’s on the
Quidditch team!
11. What book would you give to a lover?
Your Fertility Signals:
Using Them to Avoid Pregnancy Naturally by Merryl Winstein. I joke, I joke. I would
obviously find something deep, meaningful and loving to give him..
12. Spying Dan Brown on someone’s bookshelf can
spell havoc for a friendship. What’s your literary dealbreaker?
As John Waters politely puts it, “If you go
home with somebody and they don’t have books, don’t fuck ‘em.” Therefore in
this case we’re onto a winner.. at least there’s a bookshelf. Dan Brown or no
Dan Brown.
